$ not equal to :)

i realized that money ALONE can't bring you happiness. what if you're so rich, you could buy all things, but have no one to talk to? Would you be happy? Would you be contented? Would you feel good eating those expensive dishes all on your own? Who would you talk to when you feel like the world is crushing down?

i thought that i can still be happy even if i don't have lots of friends as long as i have something to spend, something that can catch my attention. i am happy now, but there's a part of me that keeps on saying that, i need someone, someone i know i can be myself, someone who would not let me down. sometimes, money overcomes our relationship with other people. honestly, i tend to be friends with people who are not very, very cheap. you can't blame me, i hate to hear those, "treat me" stuffs, and i hate being called rich kid, 'cause i'm not, i'm just average. but the weird thing is, those kind of people are the ones i always end up being friends with. maybe this is just a test, maybe the world wants me to realized something. i know for a fact that you can't judge a book by its cover, but it's hard to close my eyes from reality. now, i have become open-minded, because people like me will just leave me. they have money, they have many things to do, and they can easily forget me. so now, i'm really trying hard to change my perspective about this.

i met someone, i thought we could be BFFs 'cause she's part Chinese. but now i realized, even though she likes to be with me, and i feel the same way, it will never be the way that i wanted. we both like to keep each other. But the more we try, the more we push each other away. she treats me, so i should not despise her. but i don't know, i still feel awkward. we're not talking right now, and i really miss her. i want to be with her, but something keeps on separating us. aaaaah... my story is so nonsense.

to cut it short, i just realized that money isn't everything. and i really miss someone.


less than a month left... my birthday is fast approaching. i'm certain on what i want to have on my 19th birthday. it's not Guitar Hero, not Rock Band, not iPod, not iPhone, but Macbook! i finally decided. i know that games are fun, but i think computer or laptop will give me the longest satisfaction. second choice will be trip to USA. and my wish, to have more true friends in college. if someone can send me to US to continue my study, then i'd be really happy. i'm daydreaming again. hahaha.

i was a bit depressed a while ago, 'cause i got jealous, thinking that someone might take her away from me. it's not yet clear, but i think she will still choose me.

love lots,


TODAY WAS a normal day. oops, not so normal.

my most embarrassing moment happened today. it was when i was peeing inside a cubicle with my feet on the bowl (squat) when someone opened the door. NO!! but yes. she did so my BUTT =( i hope that's the only thing she saw. it's what i call DAYmare! it's so embarrassing, until now i can remember every detail but i didn't saw her face. HOO.. i hope that would not happen again.

i feel abused...... i don't know why.

so that's all i wanted to say.


o give me peace, please

this is how i EXACTLY feel

I can't explain it.

I don't like to be left alone, I don't like to reflect upon the incidents of life that suggest sadness. I don't know why things affect me to the point where I don't even recognize how much they affect me until it's become clear that I am not as happy as I used to be. I used to enjoy the time I got to myself, to just chill and relax but now, being left alone is like a dagger that slowly works it's way to my heart and I seek constant company. Sometimes I feel like i just want to be sad, by myself, so I can get over being sad, as if there's a required amount of sadness that I must fulfill in order to move on. Move on from what? There's nothing really significant to be sad about, and on a normal basis I am genuinely happy. It's just the times I am left to myself, or the times where no one is speaking to me, where I have time to reflect that recently seems to make me distressed. Maybe I'm contemplating what went wrong, why it went wrong, and what happened? I don't know. That's why you'll constantly see me singing to myself. Singing is therapeutic. Singing keeps me from thinking about any problems in life and brings me to a sense of happiness because when I'm singing I don't have time to be thinking about the sad things, I'm just stuck in a world of happiness, even if it's an emo song.

i am so mad again.................... we're not speaking................... and she did nothing good to me................. please forgive me................. but i can no longer control my temper.................. i am such a dork

Dear You

i really want to be with you, but i'm worried. i just want things to be normal. you're someone i treasure and it's a disgrace i can't show you how i really feel. you did your part, and i did nothing but to broke our hearts. i know we're both hurt. i'm just pretending i'm not affected, but the truth is, i'm just fighting my tears. i love you as a friend, i trust you, and i don't like to lose you. it seems like i'm pushing you away. i don't know why i can't express how i really feel. i've never met anyone like you, that cares for me so much...i know you will protect me as long as you can. i may never do the same thing for you but i will try my best to be a best friend to you too. sorry for all things i've done. i really, really want us to be okay... but something's bothering me. i'm so sorry, i'm not brave enough. my heart feels like falling right now........ i love you friend. i hope we will be okay.

i wanted to be alone, and now i want us to be together.

Mr. Oh-bah-mah!!!!!!!

hello November!

tomorrow is the day i have been WAITING for. REALLY. i am so looking forward to it!

hahaha. i know, i can't escape from it. so i will just take a deep BREATH. haaaah.

one month then it'll be December. yay! Christmas is coming! and my birthday as well. i will be 19...

am i still young? YES, absolutely. i'm a kid at heart!!!

i am silly......... i am nobody......... i just want my "life in school" to fast-forward.

i hope i could have this on my day..............

that would really make my DAY!

but is that even possible? well, who knows, right? FINGERS CROSSED!

so i really want to go to US next year. my visa will be expired on MARCH 2010 so i really NEED to go next summer... i hope my next visa will be 10 YEARS! oh pleeezzzzz!

i am a big fan of Apple nowadays. i want to have Macbook and iPhone... if not iPhone then, iPod touch will also be appreciated.

i am planning to get the new Nintendo DSi which will be released early next year (i think). i am so excited for 2009! McCain or Obama? Haha. i can see those names everywhere (on the net)! honestly, i wanted Clinton.

also, i still want Guitar Hero: World Tour................... i have tons and tons and tons of............wish.

so, how did i celebrate Halloween?

i just stayed at home surfing the net, eat, and did some grocery. HOW COOL IS THAT?

that's why i want to...........live SOMEWHERE. but nobody agrees. no_BODY!

i hope i will have a GREAT time tomorrow. think POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! +++++++++++

so what do i do when i have nothing to do? play Deal or No Deal on my phone!!! i've won 250,000 Pounds a lot of times already. unfortunately, it's for the eyes only.

other games i'm addicted to: Pyramid Bloxx, Tower Bloxx, City Bloxx (BLOXX!!), Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy (too bad i'm stuck), Sonic Jump and Guitar Hero III. all on my phone.

'til next time.