held a girl

11am: ON-TIME. no prof. what the??? i was not in the mood to talk, still irritated of what happened last night. friend talked to me about her saying she is a...lesbian.

11:30am: ate at Jolibee, we finished at around 12:30pm and went back to the class.room wasn't feeling well. my tummy hurts! wants to go home and go to my CR. chatted with fellas. she sat next to me. talking, holding my hand, and pulling my chair closer to her. still feeling kinda irritated and WEIRD.

1pm: my 1st class of the day. so we went to our proper sit and then the prof checked the attendance. i wanted to pee, when suddenly my phone kept on ringing. i knew it. she was the one so did not bother to look at my phone.

2pm: reporting. when it was my part, i felt someone was taking photo of me. i hated it because i knew she was one of the suspects.

4:30pm: texted her. explained why i felt irritated.

5:20pm: told her i want us to be okay again.

just now: she is answering fine. i think and hope we'll be okay again, as friends!

what happened?

I am not

I am

I can't sleep.
Thinking why this happened to me.
I can't close my eyes.
My mind just keeps on working.

PLEASE, all i'm asking for is HAPPINESS. that's it.
seems like the more i ask for it, the more it goes away.

when will the day come?

2 more years...and then i will no longer see them. I won't be hurt anymore.

not anymore

and here i am blogging instead of sleeping because most probably (i hope not!) there'll be classes tomorrow. why is it not raining anymore? sometimes it's there but most of the time it's missing. i was visiting the site or blog of other people who are living in the States and i feel so envious. i think that even though i leave my motherland, i won't be leaving anything behind. if i go with my family, then i'm almost complete. i feel like i have no true friends here, like if i leave now no one would care or worst no one would notice. the people i treasured most are not keeping in touch with me. i'm double D--depress and desperate! i want to go somewhere where no one knows me, where i can start a new life, and hopefully meet the people i've been waiting my whole life. i just want to have lots of true friends, that will brighten up my day, make me smile, and spend time with me. i'm 18, i feel old, yet i haven't found 'em. my only hope is to go somewhere...cause i don't think i'll find them here. so here, even though i have nothing to do, i still chose not to sleep because my heart's not happy. but i can't do anything, i'm stuck. if only they understand how i am feeling. i hope one day my wish will come true, i'll be waiting, and i hope it'll not be too late when it comes. can someone please, love me for me?

i want us together, even just in a photograph.


rain saved me

i really want to stay at home. to play with my dog, surf the net, and do my thing. fortunately , there was no classes today! so now, i'm feeling.. err... lost, i don't know what's the exact word but i don't feel contented. i knew this was coming and i thought i would not be affected, and how come i'm not feeling well? is this jealousy or what? anyway, there'll be another buyer who will send her payment tomorrow or on friday (when classes are going to be suspended tomorrow). a while ago, i put on make-up on my face because it makes me feel better when i'm down. haha. i can't find the connection though. maybe there's something between beauty and happiness! yeah right, whatever.

i want to lose weight but i'm always hungry. is there a problem with my stomach, my appetite, my s-h-t? haha kidding. i'm craving for yummy isn't it? hahahaha! but i gotta lose weight. i feel so fat right now. i used to wear medium shirts but now...large or extra large! yes, i gotta lose weight! hmph.


happy ending


today was the last day of our preliminary exam. it feels SO great to have a rest after a long, tiring week! hopefully, i will pass all my test. i feel better now because i met someone who's been good and true to me. But i'm still waiting for the best to come. i'm so happy 'cause i got the chance to watched Simple Plan live last August 4. i pity them because they're good but only few watched their concert. i'm still craving for Mac, yep, nothing has changed in that matter. i saw HSM3 poster and i must say, Vanessa Hudgens look a LOT better. I did not find her pretty before but now, i am speechless. It's a very good transformation. Her scandal made her more famous, which gave her more money, and now look what happened to her face. Haha. Anyways, i'm ending this by saying, i wish my wish would still come true, it's okay if it's not today, but please, someday.